Edit

When I went to college I wanted to major in journalism. I had some doubts about my abilities to succeed in the field. So I became a teacher instead and spent 25 years doing a job I never liked. I found the headlines below that were actually printed in newspapers. Now I know that I could have been a very successful journalist. Smart ass comments are in blue.

1. Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

No crap, really? Ya think?
3.Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
4.Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
5. Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
6.Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works any better than a fair trial!
7.War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!
8. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya think?!
9. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
10. Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something!
11. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
12. Man Faces Battery Charge; Struck By Lightening
He probably IS the battery charge!
13. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
14. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
And my favorite. . .
15. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead