You Might Be Teliban IF

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun, but you can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
11. Your cousin is president of the United States

Lyrics from Everybody Loves Me

A friend of mine ask for the lyrics to Everybody Loves Me by One Republic so I am posting them on the blog. Those not interested in them just skip.


Well Hell sees her shadow in my backseat
And her friends are standing right in front of me
World wide from the center burning turkey (?)
Open up said Everybody loves me
And you don't have to make a sound
Cause they got what you need
Oh Oh Oh Oh
God love all the people that have warned you
God love all your sentimental virtue
Eight balls with the takers that'll make you
Lay cards with the lovers that'll hate you
Cause you don't have to make a sound
They got what you need
Like you say
Oh my!
Feels just like I don't try
Looks so good i might die
All i know is everybody loves me
Get down
Swaying to my own sound
Flashes in my face now
All i know is everybody loves me
Everybody loves me

Rebels

It's amazing what a difference a hundred and fifty miles can make in the behavior, attitudes and ways of people. I went to Southwest Ms. to see the family for Christmas. I took the back roads and avoided several towns and the traffic. As soon a I left the coast the driving got simple. There was none of the take your life in your hands mental illness that affects the drivers on the Coast. People actually let you merge or go first at a 4 way stop. About half way up home I noticed several Rebel flags flying. Most were displayed with the US and Ms. flags. I liked it. In the rush for political correctness we Southerners have been pressured and shamed into forgetting that we are descendants of the Confederates who fought and died for what they believed. We should not be ashamed of it. It is part of our heritage and our past. And no I ain't gonna apologize for it. I didn't own slaves so get the hell over it!! As Louisiana writer James Lee Burke says, " it was a different time and circumstance." He also says that the blood of men in gray runs in our veins and that if you look carefully you may see a glance of the Confederate army moving through the woods or see the camp fires glowing at twilight. We in the South plow ground which still turns up Confederate States of America belt buckles and musket balls. We build our homes on land which soaked up the blood of men who fought for their way of life. So I was not ashamed when I saw the Rebel flags. It made me proud. People in this country do not think for themselves anymore and most Southerners don't have the balls to fly the Rebel flag. I also noticed all the guns hanging in the back windows of trucks. It's deer season and people in Southwest Ms. hunt a lot. About four men out of five had on camouflage. It occurred to me that in a disaster, country folks could make it. We still know how to grow a garden, kill meat, can preserves, cook over an open fire, and make our own clothes. We don't do it all now but we could. Maybe I'm wrong but I think that is a Southern thing. And it came from the time when we lived under that Rebel flag, during the time that we were a seperate country and when we were forced to adapt. And country people can adapt. I think we still could if necessary.

Odds and Ends

The daughter spotted this truck on Washington Ave. This Saint's fan/driver showed his support by writing in the dust on the truck. I have always liked the Saint's but was not a big fan mostly because they always lost and never gave us anything to get excited about. This year has been different and I hope they go to the Superbowl. I want to see them play the Vikings. Brees and Farve. I would like to see that.

Did anybody enjoy the look on William Shatner's face when Sarah Palin took the stage to do a "reading" from his book? It was on the C. O'brian show. For the second time Shatner read from her book making fun of her as is the usual for the Hollywood set. When he finished she appeared from backstage and read about him. The look on his face was priceless. I used to like him along with Whoopi, Robin Williams, and and others. But I don't need the supposed intelligent Hollywood ninnies telling me how to think. Payback is good! This is the look on his face as she read. Don't you just love it.

Author Stephen King and his wife are donating money so 150 soldiers from the Maine Army National Guard can come home for the holidays. King and his wife, Tabitha, who live in Bangor, are paying $13,000 toward the cost of two bus trips so that members of the 3rd Battalion, 172nd Infantry Unit can travel from Camp Atterbury in Indiana to Maine for Christmas. The soldiers left Maine last week for training at Camp Atterbury. They are scheduled to depart for Afghanistan in January. Julie Eugley, one of King's personal assistants, told the Bangor Daily News that the Kings were approached about giving $13,000.
But Stephen King thought the number 13 was a bit unlucky, so the couple pitched in $12,999 instead. Eugley chipped in $1 to make for an even $13,000.

Angry Santa

WHITE COLLAR

HAAAAAA!

THE BITCH IS

BAAAACCCKKKKK!!!!!

Since I know that my two or three faithful readers are REALLY missing me and this wonderful, informative blog, I found a way to post.

White Collar

Not a lot of shows on TV are worth a shit. Most are slightly boring and not much on plot. But the new one on USA called White Collar is great. I like the plot about a Con Artist and a FBI man working together to solve cases. Although that theme is not new this show adds a lot of twist and turns and the relationships and interactions between characters make it really good. If you can see the Pilot first it really helps to tie all the info together. I like the actors and I think the writers are really good. (I really enjoy the character named Mozzie. and Neal is easy to watch too.) The show has a good sense of humor and lots of twist and turns. The writers are onto a good thing with this one if they just don't screw it up now. The network is only running re-runs until Jan. 19Th when it will be on Tuesday nights at nine o'clock. If you get a chance to watch try to catch the pilot.

Presarios Passing

Hello dear loyal and faithful readers of Granny Bitch's blog. This is her daughter Halley filling in for Granny. I would like to report the passing of her dear Compaq Presario computer. It lived for 9 years and has served her well. Due to its passing Granny has been cut off cold turkey from blogging. Just wanted to let you know that there will be more to come as soon as Santa brings her a new one. She is doing well, just sitting at the house mad as hell that she can't surf the net...

Sincerely,

Halley

Pearl Harbor Dec. 7, 1941

ReOrder

DEAR MADAM:

THANK YOU FOR YOUR RECENT

ORDER FROM OUR SEX TOYS SHOP.
YOU ASKED FOR THE LARGE RED

VIBRATOR AS FEATURED ON OUR

WALL DISPLAY.
PLEASE SELECT ANOTHER ITEM

BECAUSE THAT IS OUR FIRE EXTINGUISHER.

"WELL, SHIT!"

SNOW DAY?

According to the weather man it is suppose to snow here tonight. That is according to the local TV but one guy on the radio says it's not going to snow below I-10. He was so sure about that cut off point that I could picture the snow dividing like the Red Sea parting and all the flakes going on the north side and not one single stray flake landing on the south side. The New Orleans station was absolutely pissy cause they were not forecasted to get as much snow as they did last year. That's to be expected since they think everything is suppose to be all about them. The snow that they got last year stopped in Harrison County and didn't make it into Jackson County. We were close enough to smell it last year. When I lived here in the seventies we had a heavy snow of about 8 inches. Even though we don't get a lot of snow up home in Franklin County we get more than down on the Coast and it showed. We woke up that day to the muted stillness that snow brings but it was soon punctuated by the thud of cars banging into each other as they sped up behind each other, slammed on brakes and plowed into the back of each other. Since nearly everyone here drives like a maniac it never occurred to them to slow down. We lived on the corner of Cowan-Lorraine and Pass Road and there were collisions all day. We ventured out to see the beach and watched it happen on Highway 90 too. I'll never forget the heavy black woman who slipped her car off into a deep ditch on it's side. She struggled to get the door open, fighting the angle of the car and gravity. When she got it open she couldn't pull herself out. Finally several people arrived to help. After a lot of slipping and sliding they pulled her free. As soon as her feet touched the ground she went down like a sack of rocks. It took 4 men to finally pull her up to the roadway. "Lord have mercy!" she said. wiping sweat of her forehead, "I didn't know it was that slick!" Neither did anyone else it seemed. These folks drive worse now than then. So let's hope that if it does snow here that it won't stick to the roads. If it does I'm staying home. Coast nuts and snow do not mix!

The Gunfighter

A Cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. 'Do you think you could give me some tips?' he asked. The old man looked him up and down and said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high, tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.' 'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man. 'Sure will,'replied the old-timer. The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player. 'That's terrific!' said the hot shot. 'Got any more tips for me?' 'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it, that'll give you a smoother draw' 'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the younger man. 'You bet it will,' said the old-timer. The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player. 'Wow!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?' The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.' The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. 'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.' 'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man. 'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much.

Drink Tap Water Assholes!

I realize that members of congress have to pay for things out of their office funds. Like salaries, all that printer paper for the health care bill that not one of them has read and salaries. But Damn, let's get real. Who furnishes these office funds? We do. The tax payers. And so you know what your taxes bought. I could live a year on what they spend on bottled water. And Comrade Pelosi sees nothing wrong with this.


House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) spent $2,993 in taxpayer money on flowers between June and October.

House Majority Whip James Clyburn has a thing for Chantilly Donuts, spending about $265 at the Virginia shop in the past quarter.


All totaled they spent $300 million last quarter. Here is more. And these totals are for JULY TO SEPTEMBER ONLY!

Pelosi, who has come under fire in the past for spending on flowers, also spent roughly $30,610 in food and beverage and about $2,740 on bottled water. (Her offices defended the charges, saying the Speaker’s office holds more ceremonial events with visiting dignitaries than other congressional offices. Yeah and ole Nancy thinks she's entitled.)

House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) racked up about $24,617 in catering costs. House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-Md.) spent about $1,561 in bottled water and House Majority Whip James Clyburn (D-S.C.) spent no money on water but a touch over $18,000 in food.

House Minority Whip Eric Cantor (R-Va.) spent about $24,116 on food and beverage.
These line by line expenditures used to come just in bound green books, but for the first time ever, Pelosi requested that the reports also be put online this quarter. That's because she REALLY thinks it's all OK. The nearly 3,400 pages were released Monday afternoon and touted by Pelosi as expanding “accountability to taxpayers and the press.” Yeah, she really is a nutty cunt!!!


Cantor and Boehner together spent $69,832.50 on the company’s publications – Boehner spent $48,085 on CQ publications.

Taxpayers foot the bill for leasing cars for members, including cars for Rep. Alcee Hastings (D-Fla.) and Rep. Joe Barton (R-Texas).
Rep. Mark Kirk (R-Ill.) spent $28,410 with a market communications firm to send a newsletter to his constituents.

And then there are these fellows. Nice to see a few attempt to give something back.


Walz and Rep. Spencer Bachus (R-Ala.) both returned about $2,500 to cut away at the deficit. Bachus, a fiscal conservative, said he does not take cost-of-living increases in the middle of a congressional term. This country has truly gone nuts. And all I hear on TV is "citizens need to do something about it." What? How? How do you rein in this kind of insanity?

December Storm

Yesterday was the last day of the 2009 Hurricane Season. We didn't have any major storm problems this year. But today there is a front moving in from the Gulf that has all the potential strength of a Tropical Storm. The local weather is forecasting waves 6 feet above normal, coastal flooding, 6 inches of rain and winds up to 50 miles per hour. It is pushing in from the Texas coast and will possibly be stronger than any of the weather we had during the actual season. The winter storms here look and feel different from the summer tropical ones. Of course it is colder, but there is more to it than that. Even the gulls sound different as they try to stabilize their flight in the wind. I like to watch these storms come in. The usual placid Gulf comes to life with pounding surf, blowing sand and roaring winds. Very few people brave the cold and wind to go to the beach. The ones that do are bundled up in coats. The clouds are heavy and deep gray and there is no discernible line between sky and sea on the horizon. Like all beach/vacation towns there is an entirely different feeling here. Most of the tourist are gone, the beach vendors have packed up and the pace is slower. It's nice. It's fun to watch a storm rolling ashore in December.