I Wouldn't Be Surprised

I would not be surprised to read this in a paper soon.
Obama abruptly cancelled the November holiday of Thanksgiving Day for all Americans. Calling the November holiday 'really sick' and 'twisted', he said it 'was part of the past, like capitalism, and needs to be left behind.' All federal, state and local employees are expected to report to work as usual. Obama says he never celebrated Thanksgiving growing up."Why would I? I was in Indonesia," he explained. "Besides, I know a turkey when I see one. I know that Thanksgiving was all about stealing land from Native Americans. I think it's a disgrace." said the egoist. The president plans to make a quick tour of several Native American Reservations in Montana and Arizona on the fourth Thursday in November. He plans to bow and ask forgiveness for past grievances and smoke a few peace pipes just for fun.
"If anyone wants to still mark the day, go right ahead." said the president. "Do community work. Work off some of that guilt. Be thankful you have me." he smirked.